Guys drive me crazy! Every time I find a new guy I like, I always end up falling so hard for them. But there's only been one time Ive ever felt the way that I do now. Ive never fell this hard for a guy, and Ive never felt this way before.

He makes me feel like there's nothing else in the world to worry about, and when I am with him, nothing bothers me. He's different than any other guy I have ever met. No one else has ever made me feel like everything is in place and nothing can go wrong, but of course things always do go wrong.

I feel like I am attracted to bad luck, nothing can ever stay perfect in my life. Its all confusing and tangled up in a little ball--like a rubberband ball. Once something good happens and Im finnaly happy, something 5 times worse over rules it and then it leads to more bad things, piling up on top of eachother, untill there is a city of all of the bad things in my life.

Little mistakes turn into even bigger mistakes and then there is no happiness left. He was the only one I wanted to be with--I couldnt see myself with anyone else but him. When we broke up, everyday was painful. I prayed I was dreaming this but I never woke up from that nightmare. I tried to move on, but no one filled that place that he left there.

I dont know why everything good had to come to an end. I wish I could go back in time and figure out why he changed his mind and why it had to end and I would fix it. Then maybe today wouldn't be the same and I wouldnt be sitting here wondering why. I still dont understand. Its all a blur to me. It just doesnt make any sense.

I dont understand why he had to leave me. He doesnt even seem happy anymore hiself. I wish I could read his mind. I just cant put my finger on him--hes unpredictable and I dont know how to read him. Its like a math problem I cant solve (im not any good at math anyways).

My life is like a puzzle missing 9 or 10 pieces that are huge a huge part of it where you cant even make out what part of the picture is. Its all because of him. If he came back for me now and we were together, things would fall back into place.

It all lies on his shoulders to whether Im happy or not. It shouldnt be that way! I shouldnt have to rely on any other person to make me happy. But it is that way...and I dont know how to cope with that.

I dont know how to make things the way I wish they were. I just have to hold on and hope for the better. But I'm tired of pretending that Im happy. Im tired of my life being like I play. I want to be my own person and be who I am but I dont know how do that.

My life is so confusing. It makes me sick. I bet anyone reading this doesnt even understand at all. Because I dont even understand myself.

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AHHHHHHHH!
So my domain name is working again!!!
I will still keep this blog, but I will mostly be posting on my domain [:

www.oh-so-fresh.net

I haven't done anything to it yet, but I'm just glad its working again =]









there are no words to describe this emotion or the feeling it leaves me with. i found myself randomly smiling and just staring off, thinking of how truly magical you made me feel. in an instant i realized i love you, more than i ever did. and though letting go would be what most would do, i'm going to hang on until it hurts. . . and though it hurts now not to know what you feel i'm hanging on until a feeling of loss strikes me dead. <3

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